Through the Rain

I've had ups and down the past couple of months. Whether it be in my personal life, my social life, or even at work, things haven't gone the way I planned them. I know, "Thus is life". But when these things happen, I try my best to push forward. Deep inside I am sad, or mad, or whatever emotion is warranted at the time. However, on the outside, I try and stay even kilter. Now that's not to say you can't see it all over my face in a flash or a weak moment, but I try.

The other day I was having "one of those days". It seemed as though nothing positive was happening, no matter how hard I tried to make it that way. Negative thoughts crept into my mind, doubts, fears, bad affirmations. To make matters worse, it was raining cats and dogs. But in an instant, my whole world view changed.

Let me interject here, Harper LOVES the rain and "muddy puddles". It delights her to see drops falling from the sky. She looks at this as a fun event, not something depressing. So while I sat in a sad state, she looked outside and squealed for joy. She walked away and moments later came back to my side with her rain boots on and pj pants pulled up. She simply said, let's go have fun. That was the world view changing moment.

As we walked outside, it stopped raining. She ran to the huge puddles in our driveway and started splashing. She had the best time. The smile on her face said it all. As she giggled and twirled in the water puddles, God spoke to me and said, "Don't be down, after every rain storm comes life." See, we tend to focus on the negative and not look for the good. But my 3 year old daughter saw that the rain brought fun. She knew that even though there was a mess, it could be turned into an adventure.

Wow, those thoughts really have held with me. Use your mess, your pain, your suffering for knowing that an even greater adventure awaits. Know that you don't just have to suffer through pain, or even just smile through it...you can praise through it. I'll admit that I've had more than I wanted of negativity and hurt this year. But each time I come to a part of my story that I think I can't handle, I remember God's promise. I remember that he will always be there for me, in the pain and in the celebration.

Usually when I get to one of these down moods, I look for comfort through my bible study. But, while I was looking for the perfect verse to accompany this blog, I found a book. It's called Walking with God through Pain and Suffering. I haven't read it yet, but I have ordered it because it sounds amazing. I want to share one quote from the book with you.

     "While other worldviews lead us to sit in the midst of life's joys, foreseeing the coming sorrows,           Christianity empowers its people to sit in the midst of this world's sorrows, tasting the coming             joy." -Tim Keller

Is that not amazing!! Have you ever thought about your walk with Christ in this manner? This has lifted me up. I know that things seem bad at times, things make us mad, life isn't fair; but, if we can walk through the sorrow, we can know that the joy after will be so much sweeter. We can't doubt God's plan for us. We have to know that the big picture is coming, we may not see it and it may be hard, but God's got this. Isaiah 46:4 says, "I have made you. I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Just knowing those simple things makes my smile of endurance turn to praise!

Next time you are in a "funk" and are just trying to smile through it, remember to Praise through the Pain, it will turn your rain shower into a puddle jumping giggle fest.

Wanted to share 2 pics of Harper and her favorite thing-Muddy Puddles

Disappointment

We've all faced it at some point or another. That dreaded word, disappointment. It creeps in like a thief in the night and takes you over. All your hopes and dreams seemed crushed by that one thing that didn't go right. It could be everything around you was wonderful, but you spent time and effort on something that didn't turn out the way it was supposed to.

That thought, supposed to. It's something that I have struggled with for a while. We ask ourselves, what am I supposed to do, we make plans of what is supposed to happen, or not happen. Then in an instant, the thing that was "supposed" to take place does not. World crushed, tears falling. Most of the time for me, it's silly things that aren't really earth shattering. Like my daughter is "supposed" to take a 2.5 hour nap so I can get some things done around the house. But instead she decided to wake up at the one hour mark and I'm bucket deep in clorox. Or even, dinner has been cooked and the recipe has been followed to the T. It's not "supposed" to taste like this though. So you see that little things happen all the time.

But this week I was reminded of big "supposed" to moments. Moments like, my husband and I were supposed to grow old together, but he just got a diagnosis of cancer. Hearing this from a friend and coworker can break your heart and soul. It leaves you questioning what the real plan is. Why him? Why this? Why now? This isn't SUPPOSED to happen. But I also was reminded that God has a bigger plan than our own. What we think is "supposed" to take place is our will, not God's. As I looked at my friend when she gave me this news, my heart broke, but it also called out, pray. Pray to God for his guidance. I know that when my mom was diagnosed with cancer I was angry and confused. I had to hit my knees and remember who I serve. So with all the strength I had, I gave that same advise to my friend. I tried to be a word of encouragement, but I also wanted to let her know that God has this in his hands.

In all of this brokenness, I have seen faith like no other. My friend has gained a peace (still with anxiety about the future) and she knows that through this trial, God will provide. He already has! Her husband is going to MD Anderson for answers, they have a place to stay, people who have been through this have been in contact with them, and a whole community has surrounded them with prayers.

I'd like to share with you part of my daily devotional. It spoke on this and Glynnis Whitwer's words are much better than mine:

As I look back on my life, the times I’ve seen God work in the greatest ways are when I admit my natural strength isn’t enough. That’s when His supernatural strength is evident. Viewed from this perspective, it reminds me sometimes failure is an opportunity to see God work miracles.

God is always up to something for my good. And that’s a much better way to look at disappointment.

Lord, thank You for working in my life, even in ways that look like failure. Help me keep my eyes on You and not on my situation. Help me trust You more, especially when I face what looks like a disappointment. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The biggest thing that spoke to me was "Help me keep my eyes on You and not on my situation."

What is "supposed" to happen usually isn't what is really going to happen or what the real plan may be. We have to learn to be ok with that and gain strength from it, not disappointment. As you go out this week, remember that failure is ok, especially when God is setting you up for something bigger. Also, if you would, put Robby Michael on your prayer list. His wife Raina and son Landon could use some prayers too. These people show God in real life, they are doing what they are called to do as Christians-- putting their faith in our Father, and it is a beautiful thing.

Have an amazing week!

Not so Relaxing

There are many things that I like to do that most don't. One of those is going to conferences. Now don't get me wrong, there are some conferences that are boring, but for the most part, I love to learn new things and meet new people. I know...I'm a nerd! It's ok, because my latest conference was in Starkville...the land that God blessed specifically. He did not bless all the sports teams there, but when he created a bulldog, he rested and said, it is well!

Anyway, when you go to a conference, you get the joy of staying in a hotel room. And usually, that is a little bit a relaxing time. You can do what you want for a couple of days, free from the outside world. I don't like missing time with my husband or my child, but sleeping in a big bed all by myself once a year is a little bit of a guilty pleasure. So when I got to go to the Legal Issues Conference last week at MSU, I was nerding out, and excited about a little relaxing time alone...

My relaxing time went from amazing to awful in a matter of 3 seconds. As an adult I'm sure you have not spent a great deal of time in the floor of a hotel bathroom. Let me set the scene for you. This was my final night in the hotel. I had spent the entire day in meetings and breakout sessions, so by 5:30 I was ready to go to my room and do nothing. I put on my comfy clothes, ate in the room, and caught up on reading and netfilx. I lost track of time and realized that it was 9:30. I wanted to paint my fingernails (without a 3 year old there to "help" me) and do a pore mask. I got out the fingernail polish and like a slow motion scene, it flew out of my hands, polish flying, and SPLAT on the floor the bottle and its contents spilled. When I say spilled, it went on the vanity, the towels, the floor, in the shower, all over my hands-EVERYWHERE. I started to mildly freak out, but wiped some of the contents up with wipes I had on hand. But after 30 seconds, the paint (that mind you, takes 30 minutes to dry on my fingernails) started to meld with the floor, rendering the wipes useless.

The scene of the crime-after I tried cleaning with the Makeup wipe

So while down in the floor, I came to some revelations that I thought I'd share with you...
1: I'm clumsy! Well, I already knew that, but I'm clumsier than I even thought was humanly possible.
2: Fingernail polish has a mind of it's own. You think it's going to spill a little here and there, no when it's released from the bottle it goes on Spring Break and gets crazy.
3: I am OCD and ADHD at the same time! While the floor was a complete mess, I tried to clean it up before I notified anyone in housing. However, I cleaned at an alarmingly slow rate because I would OCD it up and scrub the floor, my ADHD would kick in and I would see another spot, stop cleaning the previous one, move to the next, see another spot, think about a blog post that I need to write, and then notice that my "cleaning" was really just moving the paint around.
4: Fingernail polish really sticks to grout. I mean they are best friends from a different life and don't want to let go of each other.
5: Makeup remover wipes do a marvelous job of cleaning your face, but not so good at getting polish up.
6: A hotel room was meant to be relaxed in..not spent cleaning like you would be doing if you were home.
7: Guest Services does not have fingernail polish remover available to you, even in an emergency at 10:00 PM.
8: CVS in Starkville is open at 10:00 and the very friendly guy at the counter will not judge you for having on PJs and fingernail polish all over your hands. He will actually tell you about his upcoming trip to break up with one girlfriend and get back together with another.
9: Fingernail polish remover does what it's supposed to do...it removes nail polish. So if you spill some, don't try to clean for 30 minutes with random supplies. Get some remover, pour it over the spill, and wipe up with ease. Really...it took me 10 minutes to clean everything including myself once I had the magic potion.

I hope that these 9 tips help you when you are crazy enough to paint your fingernails at 9:30 at night, in a hotel room in Starkville, Mississippi. Trust me, it turns into a big mess that doesn't get cleaned up and put you in bed until midnight.

Just Silence

I've said it before, but I love my job. I really like being able to help a hurting student see the future possibilities. But as a counselor, the hardest part for me is being silent. It's my job to listen. Many times that's my only job, to simply be there for the student as they tell their truth. And, if you know me, then you know that being silent is not my first line of defense. Even in graduate school, as I was learning to counsel, my professor would stop me and say, "Remember, silence is golden, we find ourselves and our truths in the silence."

That has always stuck with me. I know that I have already written a post about being still and knowing. But being silent is a completely different thing for me. I have learned how important that is from my friends. They have always been there for me, even if it was just to sit in silence, knowing that they were there. Today I was reading my devotion and it really spoke to me. I'm going to copy some of the words from the author Chrystal Evans Hurst below:

Sometimes life delivers news that knocks the wind out of us, and we just don’t have words — for our pain or for the pain of others. And here’s what I’ve learned: Words matter, but sometimes our presence matters more.

When Job experienced great tragedy in his life, he had three friends who came to visit. They came intending to sympathize with him and comfort him. (Job 2:11) But when they realized how bad things were, they mourned with him then sat with him in silence.

“When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.” (Job 2:12-13, NASB)

The beautiful thing about Job’s friends is that they were friends of action. They looked out for him and noticed he was hurting. They came to Job without him having to call them to attention. They didn’t start out attempting to fix his problems but chose instead to simply be with him in his despair.

They acted as friends, even though they were speechless. They joined Job in his active grief but didn’t say a word. There was nothing to be said. They understood the value in the companion of silent presence. They were willing to mourn with him, mingle their tears with his and offer quiet comfort.

I can't speak enough good things about my friends. I have been blessed in this life to have been afforded the greatest people to surround myself. They have been like Job's friends, they have sat with me and offered no solutions, just silence. Just knowing that they were there, was all I needed in some of the darkest times. 

I want to model my life like Job's friends first response, to sit silently and know the great pain-to absorb it with them. I want to be a great counselor and help my students in the same way. 

Do you have a friend who just needs your silence and presence? Do you know that God is that great friend for us? He is always there and you can always call out to him. As you go about your weekend, remember that sometimes, silence is the best medicine. Being quiet does not make us weak, it makes us aware of our surroundings. It makes us available to speak when the right words have formed. It's something I admittedly am still working on. But there is hope yet! Shhh, just listen a while.

Here are some of my friends that I love (I did not put everyone I wanted here...sorry, ran out of pics I had available):

Jesus is my Homey

Have you ever noticed that if you change one letter in a word, it completely changes the meaning. There is a huge difference between having a cola and having a coma. I mean we can plan to have a cola! Or even saying, "I love the rain." or "I love the pain". Completely different! And I bet, if you went outside right now and said I love the pain, someone would swoop in and call special services for you!
But in all seriousness, changing a letter can change how you view something. I was reminded of this by my sweet 3 year old. I am the Cherub Choir director at my church. This means that I teach 2-5 year old children a little bible lesson and songs. When I took the job...well volunteer position, I decided that the kids needed to learn the basics. You know, the songs that we learned when we were little. "Jesus Loves Me", "Joy, Joy, Joy", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", etc. While the kids love these songs, you can only sing them 100 times before you start looking for new material. I noticed that before my little cherubs left for Children's Church each Sunday morning, we would sing "Gloria Patri". This is an easy little song and could make the kids feel included. I began teaching it in January. Now remember, these are 2-5 year olds, they can't take too much for too long of a time. But by Spring Break they had it. I would look around during service and notice that they were singing. I was also told by my daughter that "Glory be to the Pather" was her favorite song.

To get to the point, and for those of you who don't know this song, here are the words:

Glory be to the Father
And to the Son
And to the Holy Ghost
As it was in the beginning
Is now and ever shall be
World without end
Amen, Amen

Harper sings the song, but instead of saying Holy Ghost, she says Homey Ghost. I've tried to correct her (even though it sounds so sweet), but she insists that it's Homey Ghost. This got me when I least expected it. You know what...it should be homey ghost! This slang word has been used to mean friend/pal. And when you think about it, Jesus should be our homey!

Do you treat Jesus/God as your friend and companion, or do you think of Him as someone who has the power to help you or not help you. If you think of Him in the later, please let me help you to realize that he is your forever friend. He will still be there with you, even when the world has let you down. He will strengthen you and guide you, if you just listen.

John 15: 13-17 says:
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Do you hear this, I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit.  Jesus chose us! We are his friends and he will help us get what we need. He will make sure that we are taken care of and loved. This gives me so much peace. I know that everything I have ever wanted may have not been in God's plan, but everything I have ever needed, He has provided.

I have amazing friends! I mean the best friends in the whole world. I truly believe that God placed each of them in my life for a reason. And you know what else, that's what friends do. They give you what you need, when you need it. Guess who else does this...GOD! Lay your burdens at his feet and know that he will take care of you! Who else would give up their life, so that you could live? That sounds like an amazing friend and homey!

Here is the video of my sweet girl singing Glory be to the Father!

Basketball Overload

I am so glad it's April! March madness has been going on for it seems like 17 months now, and the TV has been turned into every basketball game ever played by any team ever.  With the exception of the Mississippi State games I despise March madness. My father on the other hand loves a good basketball game.

As he walked into my house the other day, he could not stop talking about the amazing game he had watched the night before. It was a match up between Duke and Kentucky, with Duke winning by 1 point in overtime. It was a buzzer beater!! My dad detailed the game, he was so thrilled to have watched this amazing match up. Funny thing...he had already seen it-in 1992! My husband picked up on the fact that he was detailing a game that happened when we were kids and told dad that it was an old game. Dad couldn't believe it, it was just on TV!

I don't know if you know this, but there is an ESPN classics channel and it anytime in the day you can turn this on and watch a game that was played at some point in the past. These games are chosen because they're really good games with dramatic plays and edge of the seat excitement. This basketball game was ranked as the top game of the century. It had been playing over and over for weeks.

Moral of the story...men never grow out of ball games and they don't pay attention. If I had flipped the channel on and seen a guy wearing shorty shorts playing basketball, I would have known it was an old game. But men, they don't notice these things, obviously. So ladies, when you significant other doesn't notice that you just cut 12 inches off of your hair or that you lost 40 pounds-don't worry, some don't know they are watching a 25 year old basketball game!

Have a great day and remember to laugh! It makes life so much more fun!

Confession Time

Hello, my name is Emily and I am an over-sharrer.

Now that we have that out there, I feel like I can move on. Ha, in all seriousness, I think I have a problem.

If you know me, then you know that I'm pretty much an open book. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I have my feelings written across my face, and if you ask me what I think, I'm going to tell you. I have tried to curb these thoughts and actually think about what I say before I say it, but I admit it, my mouth sometimes explodes!

I overshare. I tell people about dreams I've had, I tell students personal stories to encourage them (even though graduate school told me not to do this), I share what I ate for dinner, I tell too many stories about my family. I JUST DO IT, OK!? But I have to share my latest "problem". I take videos and pictures of my 3 year old doing funny/awkward things and save it for all posterity.

Now I know what you are thinking, "Emily, we all do this." But really, I don't think that you do. I video her in the bathtub, using the bathroom, saying funny things, if she's stuck and can't get out, if she's crying for no reason. I'm terrible!!! I keep these videos so that one day I can show them to her and tell her how funny she was (or I hope still is). I would love to share the videos with you, but I'm hoping that 15 year old Harper will appreciate that I'm only sharing this picture. So if said 15 year-old Harper is reading...Harper, I love you, come out of your room, I won't embarrass you today! Well, any more today, after this picture! 😆

Just remember, this is just one of literal thousands of pictures and videos I have.

I'll just call today #toomuchtuesday